So tell me fellow pervs, what did you think of my first Coffee & Kinkpost? Ready for another?
This time I have the pleasure of asking another favorite Dom the same kinky questions. (please don’t tell DH that I have multiple favorites!!):
Jake of Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds. I’ve been
stalking following Jake’s blog for almost a year now. What first caught my attention was the description (or tagline): Bondage Adventures for Real People.
There are a few other reasons why Jake’s blog is on my reader:
- Jake and his wife Joy are a real married couple, so I understand their comments and trust their Product Reviews.
- Each product review starts with a little story – to get the juices flowing.
- While Joy doesn’t say much, I totally get her when she contributes!
- The Friday Adventure Recipes are exciting. I always share them with DH to put ideas in his head. (I know that might be considered topping from the bottom, but I need to share ideas!).
- I really like the way Jake writes. It’s as if I’m getting advice from a friend, not just some random blogger.
So enough gushing over Jake (and you too Joy) – onto the kinky questions!
Can you define your kinky self?
I am a heterosexual Dominant male with a submissive wife. I also present a rather straight-laced face to the world–most folks who meet me believe that I’m very “proper”. And most never know how wrong they are.
If you want a more specific definition, then on a BDSM scale from 1 to 10, I would rate myself:
B(ondage): About a 6 – I enjoy bondage and love to see my wife, Joy, bound and writhing on the bed. There’s just something about playing with her when she is helpless to resist, you know?
D(ominance and submission): A solid 8 – I very much like having control of Joy in the bedroom. It’s highly exciting to give her a sexually-related task, especially one that’s a bit challenging, and then hold her accountable to do as she is told. And that’s lucky, because there are few things that she likes better than being made to do as she is told!
S(adism): Maybe a 4 – I’ve discovered a disturbing liking for making Joy squirm and whimper as I spank her, and clamping her nipples tight turns me on as well. But I’m not much into causing pain for its own sake. It’s the fact that it excites Joy that makes it attractive.
M(asochism): Probably a 2 – Pain doesn’t do much for me personally, except that I’ve experimented a bit with nipple clamps over the years and they have this peculiar impact…
Hmmm, never thought to have DH try nipple clamps. Wonder how that would go over!
How did you discover your kinks? How long ago was this?
Oh, I discovered that certain scenarios excited me when I was an adolescent through reading books and watching movies. I didn’t really turn any of these ideas into reality until well into my twenties, however, and then it was just very light bondage stuff. I wasn’t knowledgeable or confident enough at that time, I guess. It wasn’t until Joy and I had been married for several years that I slowly began to introduce some BDSM concepts into our sex life. Joy wasn’t receptive at first–she doesn’t trust easily, and even after years of marriage, it took some time. But once the dam broke and she was able to admit her excitement, we made rapid progress.
What was your reaction to discovering your kinks? How did you feel?
Excited! Thrilled! Very close to each other! That’s one of the amazing things that BDSM does for a relationship, I think. It builds a very tight connection between partners. Joy and I are far close than we ever were before starting down this path.
Have your kinks changed/evolved? How?
Oh, you bet! When I first started out, I was all about bondage. But fairly quickly I realized that it wasn’t the cuffs and chains that mattered, it was the helplessness and submission they engendered. And so now it’s far more important to me to have Joy submit than it is to tie her up. Also, over time, I’ve discovered that I actually kinda like to cause her pain, as long as it’s the right kind of pain (the kind that turns her on). I never would have thought this was true about myself when I started out.
Did you approach your partner about your kinks? How? What was their reaction?
Yes, I brought the idea of BDSM to our marriage. I had fantasies about things that I wanted to do with and to Joy, and gradually I began to introduce them. We started with binding her hands behind her back, which she immediately said she didn’t like. However, a few months went by, and I optimistically purchased a pair of leather cuffs without telling her anything about it. I tried again with the cuffs and an impromptu blindfold, and this time things went better. And somehow we got to talking about how I’d like to put a hook eye in the ceiling and cuff her hands to it so that I had free access to her body and there was nothing she could do about it, and…well, let’s just say we haven’t looked back since.
I’m laughing because DH wants to put a hook-eye in the ceiling, but doesn’t want to have to explain it someday!
Has your relationship changed since incorporating your kinks? How?
It has changed by far for the better! First of all, our sex life has improved dramatically…amazingly! And anyone who thinks that isn’t that important probably has never been married. Second, we talk and trust and share far better than previously. In general, we are simply closer, and that’s extremely valuable and makes us both very happy.
How often do you and your partner ‘get kinky’?
Last year I experimented a bit with maintenance spankings, and at the beginning of this year, Joy requested that we implement a maintenance spanking every night (except during “that time of the month”). I won’t tell you that we’ve never missed a night, but I will say I can count the number of nights we’ve missed on the fingers of one hand. Sometimes the spanking leads to sex and sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s always exciting and beneficial.
Do you plan ahead to be kinky (set the scene) or just wing it?
I am definitely a planner. Some adventures require more planning than others, and there are times when I have spent literally weeks mulling over a specific idea and figuring out the best way to implement it. Most times, though, I simply decide what I’m going to do during the day and then implement it at night. Occasionally we’ll do something impromptu, but that’s fairly rare.
Do you always have kinky sex or can you still be vanilla with your partner?
It’s possible for us to be vanilla, and we sometimes do have vanilla sex. Joy used to seem to need this sometimes, as though she needed a break from being Dominated. This need seems to be fading, however, and our vanilla sex has become rarer over time.
What’s in your toy bag/toy/drawer?
How long a list do you want? We’ve got cuffs, vibrators, dildos, spanking implements, a hog-tie, a bondage belt, several strap-ons of various sizes, a stainless steel anal hook, assorted gags, a selection of butt plugs, a couple corsets and a variety of various lingerie items, rope, several sets of nipple clamps, a couple blindfolds, a bondage hood, and even a blow-up doll we used as a prop for a rather elaborate adventure last year. Sadly, the drawers in our playroom are full, and still I keep finding one more item that I think we need…
WOW! That’s some collection! Did you blog about the blow-up doll adventure – did I miss that? I’m so curious now…
Thanks Jake for sharing a cuppa with me. And thanks for the great work on Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds. Please keep sharing!